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Safety Poncho

US Patent Issued In 1997

Flying is one of the safest forms of transportation in the 21st century, but our inventor would like to make it even safer. He says that many airline injuries occur during aircraft taxiing, take-off and turbulence. His solution? The Safety Poncho, so that everyone can now have their own personal airbag. In use, it slips over your head and is self-inflating using a tiny compressed air canister. We like this idea if our plane is headed for a crash landing, but since taxiing takes place before you leave the runway and turbulence can hit unexpectedly at any time during your flight, that means to be safe, you have to blow up your bladder bag before beginning departure.

The Safety Poncho is a sure conversation starter and it will guarantee the person in front of you won't be reclining their seatback into your personal space. Balancing food trays and trips to the bathroom will make this a very entertaining flight, indeed. And, if your seat mates blow up their bags too, you won't even have to worry about moving at all, because all of you will be wedged into your seats tighter than a can of soaring sardines.
http://totallyabsurd.com/safetyponcho.htm

Propeller Leg

US Patent Issued In 1990

Fishing on a budget can be tons of fun. Who needs a boat when you can sit yourself down in a fancy fisherman's float? Now normally a floating fisherman has to flap his finned feet for propulsion but that can get tiring fast and you end up traveling backwards. So let us introduce you to the Cadillac of float fishing, the Propeller Leg. It features a built-in seat and a second float for holding a big battery. Why the battery, you ask? To power the trolling motor that's strapped to your leg! We have our concerns about mixing water and electricity and you may need to practice a little ballet so you can point your right leg up and toes down, while using your left fin as a rudder. Heck, this rig may not help us catch any more fish but if there's room for a cooler in the second float, it gets our seal of approval.

Bionic Exersuit

US Patent Issued In 1998

Are you tired of those bulky home exercise devices that are taking up valuable space in your closet? Do you want to stay in shape but going to the gym or hopping on a bicycle seems like toooo much effort? Well fret no more, with the new Bionic [；lì yòng fǎng shēng xué de');">仿生学的] Exersuit, you can stay in shape by simply breathing! The Bionic Exersuit works by providing resistance to any bodily movement. Every motion is met with resistance, making each gesture an exercise. So convenient, you can wear it all day. So attractive, you'll want to wear all night. http://totallyabsurd.com/bionicexersuit.htm

Wonder Butt Bra

Before

The CURE!

Here's a cheeky idea, The Wonder Butt Bra! As the inventor explains; "In today's society both women and men have become increasingly more concerned with their appearance.

Conveniently, the WBB is fully adjustable to fit all sizes of butts. Big butts, small butts, and all butts in between. Heck, we just like saying the word butts. It just sounds funny. Butts, butts, BUTTS!!!

http://totallyabsurd.com/wonderbuttbra.htm

Pantyhose 3x

Pantyhose (left) Pantyhose 3X (right)

US Patent Issued In 1997

Are these crazy pantyhose连裤袜 designed for a cloning experiment gone wrong? No, they’re a somewhat practical yet goofy looking solution to an age old problem. Ladies, you know what we mean; the dilemma of unsightly runs in your pantyhose. With Pantyhose 3x, you don’t have to carry a spare and chuck the old pair when you get a run or hole in your pantyhose.

With this ingenious design you simply (and discretely) rotate your leg into the new, unblemished pantyhose appendage. The damaged hosiery leg is then tucked into a pocket in the crotch of the pantyhose. Comfortable? You be the judge. http://totallyabsurd.com/pantyhose3x.htm

Butt Master

US Patent Issued In 1998

Whether it's holiday over-eating time or summer swimsuit weather time, you might want to think about getting the old bod in shape! Oh sure, you can go to the gym like all of the other muscle freaks, but working out on a machine takes time and it elevates boring to a whole new level. So, our inventor invented the But 屁股t Master, a derriere屁股 toning machine that you can actually wear, so you can firm your back side while you walk!

We do suggest you wear clothing underneath it if you wear it out in public (naked will get you arrested) and if our illustrated model's beehind (#18) is any indication of how this thing works, it looks like you'll soon have no butt at all!

http://totallyabsurd.com/buttmaster.htm